In Memoriam II

"Later of course we realized that such a day-brightener as Alex wouldn't want to be held close by grief. Now I see him best when I grieve him least."

William Sloane Coffin in Letters to a Young Doubter

My dear Garrett,

I can't believe it has been two years. In some ways the memories of that day are still so raw, maybe even permanently chiseled in my soul. Yet in other ways much has happened in the last two years. We have celebrated the arrival of your brother Nate, baptized him, and are now amazed to see how much he has grown. Avery has become a great baseball player and we celebrate that legacy, your legacy in his life.

And then there was my move to a new church. Although excited there was some sadness that we would not be close to your parents and to our circle of friends. In the last year since the move we have realized time and time again that the bond we share is one that is stronger than miles in between and paralleled lives. Your leaving in some ways cemented what we knew was there long before.

I am not where Coffin is . . . I am trying to grieve you less. I am trying to honor you in my work each day. Then Sunday after Sunday I get on my knees and see little hands outstretched, little hands begging for a little bread. Little hands eager, open, ready, to hear the words "every time you eat this bread remember you are a beloved child of God." And there you are, part of the great communion of saints that interceded for us and who gathers with us in the braking of the bread. So I am trying to let go and to celebrate your "day-brightedness" by grieving you less.

And then there are those that you have given life! Those understand Coffin well. Thanks to your gift of self others have found life when death was so near. So on this 2nd anniversary of your leaving us I celebrate life! I invite all those who want to make a difference to consider the giving of themselves in organ donation. I invite them to read your story and talk to their loved ones about this important issue.

Your mother sent us a text recently reminding us that in some ways we were all your godparents. What an awesome and honored place in your life! So I am thankful that I had the opportunity to remind you of the love of God for you, in a small way I did my duty as a godparent without even knowing it.

Thank you again for your constant presence, for the constant reminder that I am doing God's work, for me, each day. I'll see you soon!

Peace & much Love, Juan+

The Gospel of "We"

It happens everyday! I get this need to get out of the office and make my way to the corner grocery. (Here in our part of the world this small "convenience" store is about as close to a communal gathering place as we are going to get) I always get the same thing, a tall 32 oz. cup of Dr. Pepper. It has become part of my daily ritual in my small rural community. They know me by now and it never fails that when I come in conversations about God or the church begin, or continue depending on who you ask.

I make it a point to listen more than I talk. Sometimes there are times of confession other times joys are shared. There is always something though, a bad day, a long day, a struggle with the kids, a bad costumer. Then there is me, the local young pastor, who happens to drop in always at the right time.

Today it was no different. A conversation ensued about the use of the word "Jesus" as a substitute for other kinds of curse words. I as the resident "preacher" was soon in the middle of the conversation, having a wonderful time listening as the people coming in and out expressed their opinion on this important matter.

Soon they all seemed to turn towards me wondering what I thought, what was my take?

I proceeded to say: "We all use God/Jesus' name in vain at times . . ."

One of the workers stopped me on my tracks and remarked "you too do that . . ." to which another one of the workers said "that's one of the things I enjoy about Br. Juan is always "we" when he talks"

It's always "we!" I have not been able to shake this up, I've been thinking about it all day. It is always we in my mind. I connect with the struggles that we all have in our attempt to live our lives. I too understand how difficult it is to live the way the way of Jesus in the world, especially in the everyday of life.

I think there is more here . . . it is only in the "we" that we can truly walk the way Jesus. We cannot do it alone, we cannot push everyone away and pretend that somehow it is better, holier. In fact the "we" is harder, more complicated, and messier. Yet Christ calls us to this "we," "we are one body" Paul tells us, "We are to make disciples," says Jesus.

We also fail,
mess it up,
make it impossible,
difficult,
full of trials.

In spite of its difficulties, I am thankful for the "we." I am also thankful that I am part of a community that invites this young pastor into their lives and allows me to be part of the "we" in my community.

Peace, Juan+